It was December 9 and I was in the middle of nowhere looking up at the stars

It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced

I was on the edge of a cliff looking upwards and my looming fear of heights was triumphed by the connection I felt with the stars

Before my escape from San Diego I was stressed out of my mind counting down the days I could runaway for a bit to reset

And reset I did

The getaway made me realize a few things

I couldn’t remember the last time I looked up at the stars

I also couldn’t remember the last time I remembered there was more to life besides working and hustling

The stars brought me back to reality

Not the ‘reality’ pushed by capitalism that’s used to stifle dreams and innovative ideas

Or the one they tell you when you persevere despite the odds

“Maybe you should shoot for something more realistic …”

Certainly not that one

But the reality that surpasses the persons needs beyond the flesh, the one that satiates the soul

The reality that we are apart of a universe that was narrowly created with perfect conditions

The reality that when it’s all said and done we all crave connection, love, compassion, and mercy

The reality that your existence itself beat the odds tenfold so you have it in you to do so

That reality that extends past the veil of simulacra**

I realized for most of my life I adhered to this false reality (simulacra) and I stayed in the place that was palatable for others

That part of me has been removed completely

This year I became deaf and blind to all naysaying.

In the beginning I used the naysayers as fuel

I created and excelled out of spite

When my college counselor told me I was a dreamer for wanting to attend the school I did I doubled my course load and received straight As

When people said I wouldn’t have time to travel with the things I hoped to accomplish, I did frequently

I was constantly in prove myself mode and burnt myself out for the measly satisfaction of saying

I was capable…. I could do it … I was worthy

That mindset too was holding me back, it would dampen my creations because they became a point to prove and not something my soul called out for

So I ditched that too

I started marching to the beat of my own drum and listening to what my soul called me to do, nothing else

And I will continue going into 2024 as well

I hope you follow the beat of your drum too friend, I’ll pray for you

Something tells me it’s gonna be a beautiful year :)

See you in 2024

Love

Sarah

From Gualala, California